A Peek inside My Head

“You’re so strong.” I hear these words over and over again, and I have to say that I don’t think I’m any stronger than anyone else would be in my situation. To me, it’s not really strength…I’m just living my life, the same as I always have. I think a lot of this has to do with my personal philosophy on life.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m pagan. I was raised in a Congregational church, but I’ve always had multiple issues with the Christian religion. First, I don’t believe hell exists. I just can’t see God “punishing” people. I believe that what you give is what you get. There is no punishment in the afterlife – just the consequences of your actions in this life. Second, I don’t believe the bible is the word of God. I do concede that there are portions that had divine inspiration, but the vast majority of the bible is just there to try to control the masses. The bible as it is now is a very warped, twisted, and corrupt version. I could go on and on, but that’s not what this post is about.

So anyhow, I define religion as your personal relationship with a greater power (or lack thereof). I call myself pagan, because that’s what most closely matches my beliefs, but I really don’t like the whole idea of religious labels. People need to believe what makes sense to them – not be told what to believe.

One of my strongest beliefs is my belief in the concept of reincarnation. I’ve always believed in reincarnation, but I struggled for the longest time with the whole idea that you have to reincarnate to evolve. I don’t believe that God/Goddess is out there judging people. I finally came to the conclusion that there doesn’t need to be an evolution – that people reincarnate because they want to. I guess that’s closest to the Hindu definition of reincarnation.

Anyway, I believe the afterlife is what you make it, and that it can vary from person to person. I personally view the afterlife as sort of a vacation on a college campus where tuition is free. You die, you go and hang out/catch up with friends and family, and decompress from your most recent life. You can stay there as long as you like, or, if you so choose, you can sign up for a new life. I believe that in each life, there are certain unavoidable circumstances, events that will occur no matter how you live your life. Each life path has some set destinations. There may be many paths that lead to those destinations, but you will arrive at those destinations no matter what.

I believe that when you “sign up” for a new life, you have a list of those circumstances, and you know what you’re signing up for. For example, Mel and I both believe that we signed up for these lives together. Our meeting was one of those unavoidable circumstances. I believe that cancer, for me, is also one of those circumstances. So, in that sense, I chose to have cancer.

And it’s because I chose to have cancer that I’m not afraid. I don’t fear death, because my life will end when it’s supposed to end. Death is certainly one of those unavoidable circumstances. You can’t sign up for a class and not know when it ends. I’ve lived an awesome life so far, with no regrets. I have faith in myself and trust that I knew what I was doing when I signed up for this life. And it is that faith in myself that is the root of my so-called strength.

So, no, I don’t think I’m doing anything special. It’s just that I believe in myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in no hurry to die, but I refuse to waste any time worrying about something that’s out of my control. I can only enjoy the time I have, and try to live in the present as much as possible. Even cancer can be fun if you’ve got the right mindset. (And I have to say cancer has been one hell of a trip!)

Long Time No See

OK, so it's only been what - a little over two years since I posted here? LOL A lot has happened (Mel got a full time job, I got cancer - you know how it goes), and I started using myspace for my blogging. www.myspace.com/allauque (in case you're curious). I might start copying some of my blogs from there to here, or not. I haven't really decided. But anyway - no, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I am still here and someday I will start posting again.